


echoes in eternity

by sizhu



Series: take all my loves, my love, take them all [6]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Couple, The Author Projected Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:06:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sizhu/pseuds/sizhu
Summary: Viktor comes home to Yuuri in the middle of an attack. He manages to get Yuuri through it--and get him to smile again.





	echoes in eternity

**Author's Note:**

> _"What we do now echoes in eternity." - Roman Emporer Marcus Aurelius_

“Yuuri? Sweetheart?”

Vision blurred, darkening into a narrow focus. It always started with the tunnel vision. Tunnel vision and quick, shortened breaths. Yuuri curled in on himself, bent over with his hands pushing his head between his knees. He swallowed, working his throat in the hopes that _maybe_ it would help moisten the desert that was his mouth. The ringing static in his ears prevented him from hearing Viktor’s desperate supplication. If he could only—God, why was breathing so _hard_? Makkachin sat at his feet, her tail occasionally thumping the ground as she rested her head on Yuuri’s knee.

“ _Yuuri_.”

Nothing. Viktor helplessly watched his beloved husband suffering under the weight of himself. He had thought he’d learned how to adequately help Yuuri get through these moments. But this was the worst attack in a long time. After the China and Barcelona Incidents™ during their first year together, they had gotten pretty good at talking and communicating their needs to each other. This attack was _almost_ as bad as the one in China, but unlike then, Viktor didn’t have even a sliver of an inkling. as to what triggered the attack. Yuuri was like this when he walked through the door; he had no idea how long Yuuri had been trying to hold himself together without him. Now, Yuuri was rocking himself back and forth, head still pressed between his knees. The action dislodged Makkachin and she huffed before lying down, but she stayed close and pressed against Yuuri’s leg. Darcy was nowhere to be seen. Viktor’s heart ached. He wasn’t sure what to do this time around—especially since he had no idea how this started. Viktor reached out to him, but stopped himself at the last moment. He bit his lip before turning and walking into the kitchen, retrieving a glass of water. Then, he returned and sat down next to Yuuri, placing the glass on the coffee table. He wasn’t touching Yuuri, but he was close enough for Yuuri to latch onto him if that’s what he needed.

“Yuuri,” Viktor called again, louder if only by proximity. “Can you hear me?”

Yuuri finally nodded, a choked sob preventing him from speaking. Viktor sighed in relief. Yuuri was still there with him, even if a little bit.

“You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready,” Viktor said. “Can I touch you?”

Yuuri nodded again.

“Alright.” Viktor reached out again and let his hand ghost over Yuuri’s back. He didn’t want to be too firm in case Yuuri wanted to pull back. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Yuuri let out another series of choked, wheezing sobs. Without unfolding himself, he turned and curled into Viktor’s side. Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri, whispering sweet nothings to him in Japanese and Russian. He rubbed Yuuri’s back, waiting out the sobs. He didn’t try to force Yuuri to calm down, remembering how badly that first time had backfired on him. Yuuri shuddered under his gentle touches. The raw sobbing slowly quieted, but his breaths remained quick and ragged. Viktor hummed softly, rubbing continuous circles up and down Yuuri’s spine. He pressed a kiss to the crown of Yuuri’s head.

“Breathe with me, darling.” Viktor kissed his head again before modulating his breathing so that Yuuri could match him. “Can you do that for me, Yuuri? Can you breathe with me?”

Once more, Yuuri nodded. He took a deep, shuddering breath as he tried to match Viktor’s own breathing. _Inhale, pause, exhale. Inhale, pause, exhale. Inhale, pause, exhale._ After a few minutes of the exercise, Yuuri had settled down. He sniffed, wiping his nose with his shirt sleeve. His eyes were still wet. Viktor gently nudged Yuuri’s chin with his index finger, encouraging Yuuri to look up at him. Yuuri did, but he didn’t meet Viktor’s steady gaze. Viktor just smiled. He pressed a tender kiss to Yuuri’s forehead.

“There you are,” he whispered. With a firm grip around Yuuri, he leaned forward and picked up the glass of water. Yuuri watched his every movement, still somewhat detached. Viktor leaned back, with Yuuri slipping further into his lap. Yuuri, to Viktor’s relief, did not protest his new position. Viktor offered him the glass, easing it into Yuuri’s clammy, cramped hands. It slipped in Yuuri’s fingers a few times, so Viktor opted to hold it for him, nudging it against Yuuri’s lips. Yuuri parted his lips and drank the chilled water greedily. Before he could splutter and cough, Viktor pulled the glass away. “Easy, there. You can’t drink so fast after that. You’ll make yourself sick.”

Yuuri nodded. He wrapped his arms around Viktor’s torso and pressed his face against his chest. When he spoke, his voice was both muffled by fabric and hoarse from his attack. “I’m sorry…”

“Yuuri, honey,” Viktor said, gentle but firm, “what have we said about ‘sorry’…?”

“…S—” Yuuri sighed. “Thank you, Vitya.”

“Of course.” Viktor kissed Yuuri’s head again. “I love you, Yuuri. I _care_ about you. I will stand by you no matter how bad it gets. Just like you do for me.”

“…Thank you.” Yuuri buried his face back into Viktor’s chest after repeating himself.

“Mm-hm.” Viktor hugged him tight. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s stupid,” Yuuri said with a stubborn shake of his head. “I’m stupid.”

“You are no such thing, Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov.” Viktor’s voice was stern, but filled will absolute, unconditional love. He let go of Yuuri only to cup his cheeks. He brushed their noses together. “You are beautiful and brilliant. You are hardworking and talented. You’ve accomplished _so much_ , darling. You even beat me for Olympic gold. I’ve never been so happy to lose anything. You’re going _back_ to school, even though you have so much else to work on. Your dedication and your ambition are astoundingly impressive.”

“Vitya…”

“Yuuri, honey.” Viktor gently squeezed Yuuri’s cheeks. “Listen to me, sweetheart. You’re not stupid. You can make stupid _decisions_ but you’re absolutely not stupid.”

“Okay…” Yuuri huffed.

“Say it,” Viktor said.

“Ugh.”

“Yuuri~.” Viktor smiled. “Repeat after me: I am not stupid.”

Yuuri squinted at Viktor, who just squished his cheeks again. Yuuri sighed, rolling his eyes and managing the tiniest of smiles. Viktor perked up.

“I am not stupid,” Yuuri repeated dutifully, lips twitching. “Can I have the water again?”

“Are you going to try and chug it all at once?”

“Ugh, no.” Yuuri groaned. He turned in Viktor’s lap and reached for the water. Viktor gave it to him, careful to make sure Yuuri had a good hold on the glass before letting it go. Yuuri drank it slowly this time.

“Better?” Viktor prompted softly.

“…Better.” Yuuri nodded.

“Good.” Viktor kissed Yuuri’s forehead, smiling. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I… Can.” Yuuri sighed. “I said it was stupid, though. I don’t really know what triggered it.”

“But?”

“I overslept this morning—and had a brief panic that I was late for work before I managed to remind myself that today was my day off.” Yuuri grumbled, setting aside the now-empty glass and curling into Viktor. “And you weren’t here? But it’s not your fault! I—was very disoriented this morning. And I was so out of it I ruined my lunch and burnt one of the pans so I had to throw that out… It was like… Every little thing got worse and worse until it felt like I was suffocating. It just—snowballed. Yeah. See? Stupid.”

“Honey, nothing that upsets you like this is stupid.” Viktor held Yuuri close, resting his chin on Yuuri’s head. “Even if it’s a bunch of little things or one or two big things, if it upsets you, it’s not stupid.”

“What did I do to deserve such a wonderful husband?” Yuuri mumbled into Viktor’s shirt.

“Well, you did drunkenly seduce me with a _delightful_ paso doble,” Viktor muses aloud. “The pole helped, but it wasn’t the defining moment. No, that was when you asked me why I was so sad—no one else but Chris had ever noticed, let alone asked.”

Yuuri huffed with a small smile. “Stupid. You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Third happiest night of my life, remember?” Viktor chuckled—Yuuri relished in the warm vibrations. “And I ask myself the same thing—what did I do to deserve you?”

“Uh.” Yuuri coughs. “Well, I— uh. You know. I used to be an obsessive fan?”

“I’m still very flattered,” Viktor said, humming. “That someone so beautiful would be inspired by my skating.”

“Hush, you. I’m not finished.” Yuuri huffed. “Did I— uh. Tell you? You, uh. Were kind of—my gay awakening? When I was twelve?”

Viktor snorted with laughter—ugly but real and delighted. He held Yuuri close to him, pressing kisses into his hair. “My sweet, beautiful Yuuri. You are a _delight_.”

“Don’t laugh!” Yuuri whined. “We were having a _moment_.”

“I’m sorry, darling,” Viktor said, breathy with laughter. “It’s just—you’re here now. I’m here now. What do you think of the idea of soulmates?”

“Ugh.” Yuuri groused. “Before we got married? I didn’t believe in any of it.”

“And now?” Viktor hummed.

“I think you might be on to something.” Yuuri reluctantly lifted his head and kissed Viktor—even though he was only able to reach his jaw with the position they were in. “I love you, Vitya. And—uhm. I’m sorry you had to come home to that, _but_. Uhm. Thank you. For taking such good care of me. I know I’m—”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Viktor said, dipping in and stealing kisses. “I _love_ you. Am I going to have to recite my vows again?”

Yuuri giggled, tilting his head away from the onslaught. “I… Wouldn’t mind hearing them again.”

“Hmm….” Viktor nipped Yuuri’s bottom lip. Then, he paused, frowning and looking around.

“Vitya?” Yuuri asked, nervous at the sudden stop. “What’s wrong?”

“Where…” Viktor blinked slowly, before looking down at the man in his lap. “Where’s Darcy?”

“Oh. Uhm.” Yuuri shrugged, sheepish. He picked at his fingers. “Probably still in the bedroom? He… Kind of bolted and hid when I broke down…”

“Well, let’s go join him. It’s cold today and I can’t think of anything better than curling up under a pile of blankets with my husband and our fur children.” Viktor smiled. He stole kiss before he stood up with Yuuri in his arms. Yuuri squeaked, throwing his arms around Viktor’s neck. Makkachin barked and hopped to her feet, tail wagging energetically as she followed them.

**Author's Note:**

> i uh
> 
> may have projected a little too hard lol


End file.
